Not Your Average Death Blog
How a Poet Helped Me Face What I Feared
Sometimes a moment arrives at exactly the wrong time and exactly the right time. That’s what happened when I tried to watch Come See Me in the Good Light, the documentary about poet Andrea Gibson’s life and final years. I didn’t get far before I shut it off, not because it was too sad, but because it came too close to something I had been avoiding in my own life.
In 2020, I had surgery to remove thyroid cancer. I’m fine today, and I’m grateful. But being “fine” doesn’t mean you get to stop paying attention. Follow-up scans, biopsies, and check-ins are still part of the deal. But, for the past year, I’ve avoided all of it. I told myself I’d deal with it “soon.” Then months, and then a year, passed.
How to Write Your Own Will (and Why It’s Not as Simple as You Think)
I spend a lot of time thinking about how people avoid estate planning, not because they don’t care, but because they genuinely don’t know where to start. And nothing captures that better than a question I got recently while checking out at Trader Joe’s in Michigan.
A cashier named Ron noticed my Death Readiness sweatshirt and asked the question almost everyone has wondered at some point: “If I want to leave everything to my brother, can I just write it down and sign it?”
The short legal answer, at least in Michigan, is yes. A handwritten Will (called a holographic Will) is valid if it’s dated, signed, and the material portions are in your handwriting. But when it comes to planning for real-life families, real-life assets, and real-life drama, the better answer is: this gets messy fast.
How to Keep Your Ex Out of Your Estate Plan
When you go through a major life change, you think the moment of “finalizing” something will bring a sense of closure. But usually, it doesn’t. When my husband and I bought our house this fall, I was convinced I’d feel relieved the minute we signed the paperwork. Instead, we immediately plunged into the real work—packing, moving, cleaning out the old place, dealing with inspection repairs, and pretending we’d get around to changing the keypad code “tomorrow.” Weeks later, most of that list is still waiting for us. That weird gap between being “done” on paper and nowhere near done in reality is exactly where one of my listeners, Amy from Nashville, finds herself right now.
Amy is newly divorced after ten years of marriage. The court has signed off. The marital dissolution agreement is official. She is, in theory, “legally done.” But like so many people who reach this point, she quickly realized there’s a long list of loose ends that don’t magically handle themselves. One of the questions at the top of her list was: does she need to update her Will to remove her ex-spouse?
Why Your Teen’s Brain Can’t Outrun the Algorithm
There are moments in parenting when you realize the things you once feared for your kids, the monsters under the bed, the shadows in the hallway, have quietly shapeshifted into something much harder to see. I had one of those moments on a long drive home from Nashville, with nothing but the open road, my dog Hopper riding shotgun and a podcast called Left to Their Own Devices to keep me company. I thought it would be background noise. Instead, by the time I pulled into my driveway in Michigan, I knew I needed to share what I learned about the digital dangers inside our kids’ hands, and why protecting them from those dangers is now part of life readiness and death readiness.
When Grief Hits Hard, Our Words Still Matter
Every once in a while, a public moment catches you off guard, not because of the celebrity involved, but because of the raw honesty you hear in their voice.
That’s what happened when I watched Jimmy Kimmel’s recent monologue honoring Cleto Escobedo II, his longtime friend and bandleader. The grief in his voice was palpable. It’s the kind that only comes from losing someone who was woven into the fabric of your life for decades.
I genuinely appreciate that Kimmel brought that vulnerability to the screen. Grief is universal, and when someone with a big platform shows what love and loss really look like, it gives the rest of us permission to feel our own.
How to Stop the Family Camp from Splitting Siblings
If your family has a place—a camp, a cottage, a lake house, or a home that’s held generations of celebrations and chaos—you already know how powerful these spaces can be. They hold childhood summers, late-night conversations, heartbreaks, triumphs, and memories you can still smell and touch if you close your eyes. They’re the backdrop of who you became. And for many families, that place becomes shorthand for legacy. Through my experiences both as an attorney and as someone who spent summers and holidays in a tiny Adirondack lake town, I’ve learned that the places we love most are often the ones that tear families apart.
How to Give Money Without Triggering Gift Tax
As we head into the season of giving, there’s always a moment where generosity bumps up against a familiar question: “Is this going to trigger gift tax?” Most people have heard of the gift tax, but very few understand how it actually works. And nearly everyone assumes it applies far more often than it really does. Before you write a check, Venmo your niece, or help with a tuition bill, it’s worth understanding what the IRS considers a “gift,” which gifts are entirely tax-free, and when you need to file a gift tax return.
This topic landed in my inbox through a listener question from Bethany, an immigration attorney in Washington state. Like many lawyers, she’s become the unofficial “legal help desk” for friends and family. One of those friends, whom we’ll call Becky, wants to write a check to each of her nieces and nephews this year and isn’t sure whether she’ll owe gift tax. It’s a common worry, especially around the holidays, and it’s one that can be cleared up pretty quickly once you know the basics.
Can You Inherit from Someone You Tried to Kill? The Michigan Case that Surprised Everyone
If you spend enough time in trusts and estates, you eventually learn that the law and common sense don’t always travel together. A recent Michigan case illustrates this perfectly, raising a question most people never imagine needing to answer: Can someone inherit from a person they were once accused of trying to kill? It’s an uncomfortable question, and the answer is not what most people expect.
This case centers around a trust created by a man named Donald shortly before his death in 2017. His wife, Elaine, became the sole beneficiary after he died, and their son, Donnie, was next in line. The trustee at the time, Michael, was not a family member but had been named in the trust documents as a future beneficiary after Donnie’s death. Within months, however, the probate court removed Michael as trustee, a notable action that suggested the court had concerns about how the trust was being managed.
The Hidden Tax Traps in Lifetime Gifts
Avoiding the Hidden Tax Trap in Lifetime Gifts
We love the idea of “getting things done.” We declutter, we consolidate, we “get the house out of Mom’s name.” But sometimes, our efforts to simplify make things more complicated, and more expensive, than we ever intended.
How Hosting This Podcast Taught Me to Face Grief
You Can’t Opt Out of Grief
There’s a difference between talking about grief and living it.
My Uncle Charlie passed away at 81 after a short illness. When I first got the call, I didn’t cry. I told my husband what had happened, said I was fine, and went to bed. But the next day, when I saw photos of him on Facebook, the tears came. It was like my brain had finally caught up to my heart.
A few months ago, funeral planner Jamie Sarche joined me on the podcast to talk about why we can’t “opt out” of grief. She told me that people often try to skip the grieving process by skipping the ceremony, doing a direct cremation, keeping busy, or convincing themselves that “getting rid of the body” will make things easier. But grief doesn’t work that way. It waits for you.
When we skip the rituals that come with saying goodbye, we skip a part of healing, too.
How to Talk to Your Parents About Getting Help at Home
If you’ve ever tried to talk to your parents about getting help at home, or moving out of their home, you already know that it’s not an easy conversation. They might tell you they’re “fine.” They might insist they don’t need help. They might even accuse you of trying to take away their independence. Meanwhile, you’re lying awake at night, wondering if they’re safe, if the stove is still on, or if that “little fall” was actually a big warning sign.
These challenges and anxieties are exactly why I wanted to bring Laura Lynn Morrissey, founder of Silver Savvy, onto The Death Readiness Podcast today. She helps families navigate aging and care decisions with less conflict and more problem-solving. We talked about how to start these conversations with your parents early, how to identify the “influencer” in your family, and how to make decisions that protect your parents’ dignity and your peace of mind.
Here are the biggest takeaways.
Why Losing Your Original Will Could Cost Your Family Everything
You’d think “filing” your Will would be simple. But as one listener, Jazmine from New Jersey, found out the hard way, it’s not that simple. She thought she had “filed” her Will with her attorney. When her house was burglarized and her important papers were stolen, she wasn’t worried about her Will. She assumed her attorney still had the original. Except, he didn’t. He’d been disbarred and his law firm no longer existed. And her original Will was gone. So, what does it even mean to “file” a Will? And what happens if yours goes missing?
It Takes a Village
Everyone’s heard the saying, “It takes a village.” And that’s true when it comes to preparing for the practical, emotional, and legal realities of life and loss.
At Death Readiness, we talk a lot about legacy, agency, and love, values and ideals built in community, in the small moments of care and connection that sustain us every day.
Lately, this community has taken on a visible form: fabulous women out in the world rocking their Death Readiness tote bags. You’ll spot them at grocery stores, networking events, school pick-up lines, and courtrooms.
Can You Leave Money to Your Dog?
Your dog might run your home, your heart, and your schedule, but legally, he’s still property.
You can’t leave money to your dog, because under the law, your dog is considered property. And property can’t inherit property.
But you can make sure your pet is cared for if you’re not around to do it. That’s where pet trusts come in.
Why Jane Goodall’s Lessons Matter More Than Ever
A few weeks ago, my husband asked if I wanted to go on a date night to see Jane Goodall speak at the Fisher Theatre in Detroit. I told him I wanted to go, but not as a date night. I wanted it to be a family night.
My daughter, April, is 14. Jane Goodall was 91. I wanted April to experience Jane’s magic.
Jane was humble and fierce all at once. That night, I walked out of the theater reminded that action, no matter how small, changes the world in ripples.
We Don’t Plan Because We’re Old. We Plan Because We Care.
Every week on The Death Readiness Podcast, I hear from listeners who are deep in the trenches, raising kids, helping parents, juggling jobs, and trying to hold all the loose threads of family life together.
Sometimes, they write in with questions for #TuesdayTriage episodes, such as:
“How do I start talking to my parents about their Will?”
“What happens if I’m named as executor and don’t want the job?”
“How can I protect my kids if something happens to me?”
And sometimes, their messages are more personal.
Do You Really Need a Will? Here’s How to Tell.
Most people assume a Will is the first step in estate planning.
But a Will doesn’t control everything you own; and in some cases, you might decide you don’t even need one.
When I practiced as an estate attorney, one of the questions I got more than any other was,
“Do I need a Will?”
And my answer was always the same:
“I don’t know — not yet.”
Because before you can decide whether you need a Will, you have to understand what a Will actually does.
Why You Don’t Have to Take the Executor Job
When people find out they’ve been named Executor in a family member’s Will, the reaction is almost always the same: panic.
Not because they don’t care, but because they know the person who chose them never really got their affairs in order. The paperwork’s scattered, the passwords are missing, the beneficiary designations are outdated, and there’s no clear roadmap for what comes next.
But here’s the truth: you don’t have to take the job.
Death Readiness Is a Family Affair
I talk about death and estate planning a lot. It’s part of my work, my mission, and my daily conversations.
But nothing brings it home quite like seeing my daughter, April, wearing our latest Death Readiness merch. This is why I do what I do.
When Transfer-on-Death Deeds Promise to Avoid Probate but Create Chaos
We love shortcuts. Grocery store self-checkout. The “express” car wash. Even skipping steps in estate planning, like using a Ladybird deed (also called a transfer-on-death deed) to keep your house out of probate.
On the surface, a Ladybird deed looks amazing. Sign a deed, name who gets the house, and no court gets involved. Cheap, simple, done. Except, like most things in estate planning, what sounds easy can turn into a mess for the people you leave behind.
Today, I sit down with Minnesota probate attorney Jen Gumbel to dig into the good, the bad, and the ugly of transfer-on-death deeds. She’s seen firsthand how they play out in real life, and the results aren’t always pretty.